Chronic illness is unpredictable.
No matter how much yoga, meditation, diet adjustments, supplements, heating pads, acupuncture, medications, stress reduction, positive mindset, & surgery, there is still pain.
Picture this; you are feeling good, having a great day, you woke up, you felt pretty well. You had a great walk & workout, followed by a lovely breakfast sitting in the sunshine.
You feel productive, so you start to crush that to-do list. After a few hours, you feel a bit off, but you keep pressing, this is normal to you. The pain begins to poke a bit more, but you are in a public place, so you decide to sit down, maybe distract yourself on your phone.
A few moments later, you get to your car, & you already know, you do not feel well. Your head hurts a bit, you feel sick to your stomach, and that light nagging pain has become a scream. You gently let the person you are with know, “I am not feeling so well,” you downplay it because you feel sick all the time, & you carry massive guilt because of it.
You get home, find the heating pad, some water, something with ginger, & wrap up on the couch at this point you cannot concentrate, you rest your eyes.
Wondering:
What did I do today to make this happen?
How long will this last?
What if something more is wrong?
I need to do more today: how will I do it?
You become a bit sad & frustrated because you work so hard to manage your illness.
You have plans that evening, you pull yourself together, & feel a bit better in the company of people you love. You are even able to eat a bit. But you start to feel it come on again, but you press on as if nothing is wrong.
You get to bed and fall asleep fairly quickly, but about four hours later, you wake, with pain nagging you. You lie there and think about it; you feel a bit discouraged because you still don’t know what set this off, you feel a twinge of hopelessness.
Why does this happen, do I manifest it? Will I ever feel better?
Three hours later, you get another hour of sleep.
You wake up, put your brave face on and begin to write this while the pain stabs you, but in your heart, you are grateful for all you have and you know you will get through this.